Threats: One Form of Spousal Emotional Abuse

Does your abuser make you feel that the abuse is really all your fault?  Does he try to make you beieve that something must be wrong with you, because otherwise the abuse would stop?  Have you come to believe that if you were only more patient, better organized, a better lover, or somehow different, the abuse would end?  Does the abuse continue no matter what you do? 

Once you understand the mechanics of abuse you will see that the methods different abusers use are all very similar.  After each incident of abuse, the abuser will most likely try to make it seem like it is the victim’s fault.  That conversation usually goes something like this:  “I’m so sorry, but if you just had not…”  This creates a way for the abuser to seem repentant while selling you the idea that it was your fault it happened. 

A victimizer will also use threats to manipulate.  Threats are a devestating form of spousal emotional abuse.  Sometimes an abuser’s threats are overt and clear: “The next time I see you talking to him again, I’ll make sure you’ll never talk again.”  Other theats, however, can be far more veiled and subtle or implied:  “Sure, go ahead and go out tonight, but I hope your dog will be OK while you’re gone.”

The abuser will try to minimize the extent of his spousal emotional abuse in numerous ways.  After an assault he may tell you that it wasn’t all that bad; that you didn’t look vey damaged; that you were just a big baby.  This tactic not only has the power of making you feel as thogh you are exaggerating the abuse, but it also impies that the abuser is capable of much worse violance.

Here is a partial list of actions that constitute spousal emotional abuse:

Entitlement “I have a right to sex.” “I expect you to do what I say.”

Withholding “I don’t need to tell you what I’m thinking or feeling.” “Why would I want to make love with someone like you?”

Emotionally misrepresenting “You’re not hurt, what a joke. You’re just being too sensitive.”

Not taking care of himself i.e. Doing drugs, engaging in high-risk behaviors such as driving recklessly, not seeking medical care, not bathing, even self mutilation.

Withholding help with money, chores, childcare, etc.

Acting out excessive jealousy

Threatening self-injury or suicide

As we have discussed in a previous post, victims tend to have certain thought processes that make them more vulneralbe to being manipulated and abused.  Before we attempt to correct those thought processes we must first learn to identify them.  Here we will attempt to identify an incorrect thought process that makes a victim more vulneralbe to this type of spousal emotional abuse.

This type of spousal emotional abuse targets the victims incorrect thought process of taking responsibility for the abuser’s actions.  You are only responsible for your own actions.  A person never deserves to be victimized, not by an abuser or anyone else.  An abuser will attempt to make you feel like it was your fault that the abuse happened.  We must use some common sense and intelligence and realize that this is a lie.  Nobody, let me repeat that, NOBODY deserves to be abused!  Do not buy in to this lie.  It is not your fault and you are not responsible for the actions of the spouse abuser.

 

Copyright 2009 www.health-speak.com Threats: One Form of Spousal Emotional Abuse

Spousal verbal abuse

 

Verbal abuse is where someone you know like a friend, partner, family, ect, Verbal abuse

Can happen to anyone and any where school, home, work ect,

And you need to be aware of it. you need to get support from someone you love or you can trust like a family member a friend or counselor  don’t put up with being verbally abused do something about it now! Verbal abuse can make you feel bad about yourself inside and out it can cause you to feel depressed and humiliated  Its not your fault you’re the victim and there the abuser.   If you are being verbally abused look at my check list below.

 

 

Verbal abusers feel like there in control

They go through out rages and get angry if things are not going there way

They put blame on others instead of them self.

They may bully you or others and think there in charge

Horrible name calling

Humiliate you in front of others

The abuser might make you feel you’re the problem why he behaves this way or say it’s your fault.

Put downs, yelling in rage

Treats directed to you or someone you love

Manipulates you in to believing it’s your fault or tries to make you feel guilty for his actions

Criticism

They may act as if they didn’t do anything wrong .

 

You are not alone there are many others just like you that are being abused right this minute and we have a choice to do something about it right now but you and only you can make the choice and step out and take control of you life.  There are many agencies that you can talk to or therapist even a pastor of a church. Do not give up take you life back and do what’s right you are your own person make the decision right now do not wait and put it off. Do not suffer from spousal verbal abuse any longer.

 

 

 

 

 

Spouse Abuse Facts:

 

I understand what is like to suffer from spousal abuse.  I was exposed to it for several years and I learned there’s always a way out.  As hopeless as it feels,  just remember it is not your fault.  You’re the victim and your partner is the one who is responsible for his actions, not you.   No person has the right to abuse you and you do not have to go through it alone.  There are many people just like you and me and there are many organizations and programs out there that can help you.  If you have nowhere to go there are people that can put you in a safe place to live for abused and battered woman.   Remember there is hope.  It’s not the end.  In addition, here are some spouse abuse facts you need to know.

 

Spouse Abuse Facts:

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #1

It is estimated that over 60 percent of domestic abuse goes unreported in the United States.

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #2

The reasons they go unreported are because the victims feel frightened.  The physical abuse has already taken place and the threat of another abuse is certainly implied (if not verbalized) if the victim reports it. 

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #3

The victim is embarassed.  They think well if I decide to go talk with someone, what if someone recognizes me?

If I talk to a neighbor or friend I will bring shame to my family and friends and I might loose my friends.

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #4

Victims almost always think “If I give him another chance he will change.”  This thought process is fundamentally flawed.  Statistically speaking less than one percent of domestic abusers never commit a second offense of domestic abuse.

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #5

Emotional dependence is mistaken for love.  Victims often feel “I can’t report this abuse because I love him.”  Once again this thought proccess is fundamentally flawed.  This is not love.  It is however a flawed way of thinking that an abuser or manipulator WILL exploit and capitalize upon.

 

Spouse Abuse Fact #6

Fear of abandonment or being alone.  This is why most abusers will try to isolate the victim from her friends and family prior to any signs of physical aggression.  Later after the violence starts, the victim will feel like she has nowhere to turn because she has lost contact with those important people in her life.  Thus, she feels like she has no other choice but to stay with the spouse abuser.

 

As we have already seen, flawed thinking can lead to a person’s vulnerability to all kinds of domestic abuse.  First a victim must accept that a series of flawed thought proccesses exists.  In this blog we will attempt to show you different methods and techniques to correct your flawed thinking.  So, please stay with us and visit often as we continue to discuss spouse abuse.  We are planning to share some letters from spouse abuse victims as well as a couple from the victimizers.

 

You do not have to feel this way.  You need to know there is help! There are agencies and programs that will help but only you can take that first step.  You have to.  Its your choice.  Noone can make up there mind for you. Only you can do that.  So make the right choice and get help!  If you decide to get the support you need remember it is confidential.

 

 

More spouse abuse facts you should know:

 

If you are being abused or need help call 911 immediately!

You can talk with anyone who will listen to you.

 

Friends and family

Your pastor (church)

Your physician

911 emergency operator

Tell somebody you trust.

You can also call the domestic violence hot line at 1(800)799-7233 if you or someone you know has been abused.

 

 

 

Copyright 2009 www.health-speak.com Spouse Abuse Facts